Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Queen of my Delusion

This morning I woke up with this thought in my head, Queen ... err rather .. King of my delusion. It's a line from an unreleased Aerosmith song, the title currently escapes me.

I had dreamt that Steven Tyler's car broke down in front of my house. His phone was also dead. I offered use of my phone, but without access to his phone book, the offer was moot. He had hoped to charge his phone, but found I was powerless. We walked to where I have charged my phone on occasion. We hung out for a bit while his phone charged. He flirted easily with me. Laughable in the waking state as I'm probably 10-15 years too old for him and atleast 100 pounds too heavy to be "his type". But that's what makes dreams fun, anything can happen.

He was surprised when his advances were rebuffed (makes two of us, even my dreams suck). When I got clean, it became harder to do the "free love" one night stand kind of thing. Tho honestly, I'd probably jump at the chance to jump him, even if just once. But it was the other thing that held me back.

I've been The Woman who found out about The Other Woman enough to know that I don't want to be The Other Woman ever again. I don't want to be the source of that kind of pain to anyone. When I was using, I didn't care if a man was married. Actually, that's not true, married men were more attractive to me as there was less risk of them getting too attached. While I may not consciously work the program in every aspect of my life anymore as I should, I do stay true to my subconscious. It's all about whether or not you can look at that guy/gal in the glass.

His phone was charged, he made his call, and we walked back to the house. He asked what I was looking for, besides just unattached. I joked that I was a sucker for men with long hair and goatees, and that I loved drummers. He joked that he was halfway there.

Whomever he had called showed up and before leaving he asked for a kiss. I jokingly quoted him asking "with or without tongue?" He was gone on his way while I was turning the moment into a warm fuzzy memory that I would kiss my ass over for years to come, because of the once in a lifetime experience that I had passed up.

A few days later, Heidi picked me up and spirited me back to her place, back to civilization. She teases me about my current obsession with Steven Tyler so I decided not to tell her about the chance meeting. That night, we tuned in for American Idol and there is Steven Tyler sitting at the judge's panel, sporting a goatee. Randy asked him about his new look and Steven replied that he had the opportunity to meet a woman that he had come to admire. Everyone has morals and ideals, but it isn't until these are challenged in the face of temptaion/opportunity that we either show backbone and stick with our ideals or crumple like a jellyfish. And that he had great respect for this woman who had stuck to her principles. He looked into the camera and said, "I have 3 of those 4 traits you'd mentioned. Laurie, if you can, tweet me with those 4 traits so I know it's you girl." All I could do was sit there with my jaw on the floor. Heidi looked over at me with a similar look on her face.

I don't think I woke up at this point, but it is all I remember.

No comments: